Finding a Mate on the Internet
Periodically I am asked by singles - Is it possible to find the right person through computer dating services? My answer to them is that the Bible is silent on the issue of computer match making. Therefore it is a matter of freedom if someone wants to explore the possibilities of meeting a mate on-line.
That being said however, there are some very real issues associated with this kind of involvement that from a biblical perspective must be considered. The first issue to be considered is what I call The Time Factor
The scripture teaches that every prudent man act’s out of knowledgeProverbs 15:16.
To acquire knowledge about someone it simply takes time.
In my class on How to Fall Into the Arms of God’s Right Man or Woman for you, I teach that the right kind of relationship will happen within a time frame that fosters knowledge about the other personPeople, please listen to me on this issue. If you are thinking about launching into a life long relationship with someone, you cannot possibly know what you need to know about that person unless you are able to be with them over time. I like to call this “being with them through the seasons of life”. This means that you must observe them in their environment living out their life.
Don’t you think that it is important for you to see how they handle their money? To know how they spend, save and give takes time.
How do they interact with other people and couples? To know about these relationships takes time.
Doesn’t it make sense that you should see how they handle their kids? Especially in relationship to time spent with you? This takes time.
What about how they deal with their parents. How a woman treats her dad or how their parents treat each other? This will tell you volumes about how they will treat you. This takes time.
You also need to observe how they deal with their work situations both up times and down times. How do they treat their supervisor and subordinates?
Wouldn’t you like to observe their personal character traits like honesty and morality? How do they deal with the opposite sex in you presence or when they are not in your presence.
All of these situations can be overlooked if you move too fast and if you have built your relationship strictly over what you have been told in computer messages or telephone interactions. You cannot possibly see this person in the seasons of life.
The second issue to be considered is What didn’t you tell me about yourself?Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men whose words are perverse…whose paths are crooked and are devious in their ways.
Proverbs 2:12, 15
It takes wisdom to determine what is true and what is not true. And it takes even more wisdom to know what is true and what is left out!
Computer dating is predicated upon profiles that are assumed to be true and complete.
Let’s assume that what is in their profile is true! How do you know if it is complete?
You have no idea what a person’s past will reveal unless the past is brought out in the open and confronted. How will you know if there has been sexual or physical abuse in their past that will almost certainly sabotage their future with you if they choose to leave this information out of their profile?
How will you know about past relationships they have had with the opposite sex or even the same sex if they choose to leave this information out of their profile?
What about issues of character having to deal with indebtedness and business dealings?
A dating profile is kind of like a resume, it puts forward the best of a situation while leaving the indiscretions to be disclosed at a later date if needed. It is not what is said that you have to worry about! It is what is not said that makes computer dating a potentially very scary thing.
The third issue is secrecy.
How do you know they are not already attached to someone else?
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